the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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