I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
