But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
