you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
