Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize