I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
