so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
