I skipped work to stalk him.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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