just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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