I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
