Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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