Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
