WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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