just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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