we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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