So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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