Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I can't turn off my feet"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize