It's like God shit irony all over that family
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
