how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
