dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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