i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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