i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
