Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
