Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
