Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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