First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
