WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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