you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
God, I missed his penis.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
