If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
