Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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