Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
