Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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