so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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