I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
