My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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