A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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