Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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