I heard we made out
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
