well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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