Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
