A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
