All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
