i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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