I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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