i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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