Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
