2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
