Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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