Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
