I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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