it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
