there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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