And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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