But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
