Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
you never un-have a 4some
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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