I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
