Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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