based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
