Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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