Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
