bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
