i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just invented taco cereal.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
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