I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
