what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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