I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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