Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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