If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
