I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
