6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
