my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
