1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize