bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
