I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My pussy is not your playground.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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