too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
