can u get pink eye on your cock?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
