Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
