At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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