In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
she told me i tasted like america
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
